If you only want the short answer, the best early schematic route is Boomstick, then James Gun Tier 1, Devarnisher Tier 1, and Portable Freezer Tier 1. That order gives you the most practical mix of burst, boss damage, and crowd control.
The rule that matters most
Tier 1 utility beats late passive stats. In most runs, unlocking more alt-fires gives a bigger real advantage than hard-committing one weapon to max rank too early.
Ranked best upgrades
1. Boomstick Tier 2
This is the best overall schematic spend for most players because it improves the weapon you will trust in the widest range of normal combat situations.
- better fight tempo,
- better forgiveness when enemies stack pressure,
- better value in cramped arenas.
2. Devarnisher Tier 1
The sticky acid alt-fire gives you passive boss damage while you dodge. That trade is excellent in longer fights.
3. Portable Freezer Tier 1
The explosive icicle turns crowd control into a proactive tool rather than a slow emergency measure.
4. James Gun Tier 1
The bullet-dump alt-fire is one of the cleanest panic buttons in the game.
5. Micer Tier 1
This is not the flashiest route, but it improves ammo efficiency and precision cleanup if you like accurate play.
Upgrades you can delay
Loose Cannon
Useful for walls, secrets, and some burst damage, but not usually the best early combat spend.
Kiss Kiss Tier 2 and Tier 3
Still good, just not as transformative as getting more Tier 1 answers online first.
Jar-Head Tier 2 and Tier 3
Solid passive improvement, limited urgency.
A clean first-dozen-schematics route
- Get Boomstick online and push toward Tier 2.
- Take Devarnisher Tier 1 for bosses.
- Take Portable Freezer Tier 1 for control.
- Add James Gun Tier 1 for general panic value.
- Reassess based on whether your run is failing to bosses, mobs, or precision cleanup.